12 Rules for Life by Jordan B. Peterson

Jordan Peterson rose to fame upon his public fight against a “compelled speech law” proposed by the Canadian government. Subsequent interviews and public appearances demonstrated his depth of thought and versatility in discussing human progress, economics, politics, religion, and almost any other important topic. I was fortunate to hear him speak when he came through town on a tour.

In 12 Rules for Life, his first “post-fame” book, he shares how to make order out of chaos in your life. 

You can buy 12 Rules for Life here…

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Notes:

We are not happy, technically speaking, unless we see ourselves progressing – and the very idea of progression implies value. p. xxxi

Part of my life creed is “Never stop learning.” My experience, too, is that my happiness is directly correlated with my personal progress toward goals, no matter how incremental.

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No one standing still can triumph, no matter how well constituted. p. 13

See previous observation. It is hard to be happy or to triumph, without motion.

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Naive, harmless people usually guide their perceptions and actions with a few simple axioms: people are basically good; no one really wants to hurt anyone else; the threat (and certainly, the use) of force, physical or otherwise, is wrong. p. 24

This, we see too often today. “There is no excuse for violence.” That is utter nonsense, if an enemy invades our country or an intruder enters your home. Violence is the only righteous answer in some cases.

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There is very little difference between the capacity for mayhem and destruction, integrated, and the strength of character. p. 25 

Peterson’s observation that the goal (paraphrasing) is to “be dangerous, but learn to control it” is echoed here in other words.

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So, attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around. Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them – at least the same right as others. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. Dare to be dangerous. p. 28

This way of life would offend many (especially nowadays), but if everyone did it, the world would be a much better, more honest place. 

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Question for parents: do you want to make your children safe, or strong?. p. 47

This question changed my view of my role as a father. One option is wrong and cowardly, one is righteous. I choose the latter.

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If we wish to take care of ourselves properly, we would have to respect ourselves – but we don’t, because we are – not least in our own eyes – fallen creatures. p. 58

We all know deep down we are broken, and our lack of self-care – mentally, physically, etc. – is a strong indication. 

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“…doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” or “loving your neighbor as yourself.” The first lesson was that neither of these statements has anything to do with being nice. The second was that both are equations…” p. 59

One of the more profound points in the book (taken by Peterson from Carl Jung). We should care for ourselves just as we care for the others with whom we come into contact. 

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Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. p. 63

Enough said.

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Vice is easy. Failure is easy, too. p. 80

I would argue that vice and failure are easy short-term defaults. You pay a price if you choose to eat healthy, work hard, go to the gym, and invest time in your relationships. But you also pay a price if you don’t.

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It’s a good thing, not a selfish thing, to choose people who are good for you. p. 82

This is easy if you grew up around good people and tripped into productive friends along the way. But when you didn’t or you haven’t, finding the people that average you out into someone admirable is crucial.

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Of course, it’s easier in the moment to stay silent and avoid conflict. But in the long term, that’s deadly. When you have something to say, silence is a lie. p. 91

I could not agree with this more, but it is easy to fall prey to silence. When the courage does arrive, it is also easy to overstate your case in anger or to understate it in passivity.

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Perhaps happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak. p. 94

I’ve heard variations of this statement time and time again from smart, successful people. But it is a hard pill for me to swallow.

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What do you know about yourself? You are, on the one hand, the most complex thing in the entire universe, and on the other hand, someone who can’t set the clock on your microwave. Don’t over-estimate your self-knowledge. p. 109

I am often convinced that I know myself well. Yet the motivations behind what I do most days is nevertheless a mystery to me.  

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To journey happily may well be better than to arrive successfully. p. 111

Again, the hardest truth for me to consider and live out.

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Horror and terror lurk behind the walls provided so wisely by our ancestors. We tear them down at our peril. We skate, unconsciously, on thin ice, with deep, cold waters below, where unimaginable monsters lurk. p. 119

The last 10+ years have seen the dismantling of many historical “truths.” Some common artifacts of history (e.g., slavery, imperialism) died slower than they should have, but others should last through the ages (e.g., acknowledgement of two genders/sexes, etc.).

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…strict limitations facilitate rather than inhibit creative achievement. p. 124

This was liberating for me, as I juggle decisively disciplining a strong-willed and smart three-year-old.

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A patient adult can defeat a tw0-year-old, hard as that is to believe. p. 127

The goal of parenting young children is to guide, correct, discipline, and love immensely while they push and learn their limits.

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So now we have two general principles of discipline. The first: limit the rules. The second: use the least force necessary to enforce those rules. p. 137

This is at once affirming to my parenting approach, while simultaneously convicting. Our rules are no disrespect, no dishonesty, and no disobedience. Pretty easy. But if I get frustrated or tired of repeating myself, the style of discipline can escalate quickly.

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“No tree can grow to Heaven,” adds the ever-terrifying Carl Gustay Jung, psychoanalyst extraordinaire, “unless its roots reach down to Hell.”. p. 180

I found this to be a great reminder that it even the great among us are capable of unspeakable evils. We cannot fool ourselves into believing that we are “good” – under the appropriate conditions or circumstances, we could all have been Nazi prison guards.

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The fact that automobiles pollute only becomes a problem of sufficient magnitude to attract public attention when the far worse problems that the internal combustion engine solves have vanished from view. p. 187

Our first-world, 21st century “problems” ought to be carefully considered in light their origination. Often our problems are good ones to have because they came about only as a result of massive advancements. 

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If you say no to your boss, or your spouse, or your mother, when it needs to be said, then you transform yourself into someone who can say no when it needs to be said. p. 212

Honestly is a matter of repetition, particularly for the hard kind of honesty.

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If you’re lucky, and you fail, and you try something new, you move ahead. p. 213

Viewing failure as a matter of virtue and opportunity is not something I’m inclined toward, but it truly is.

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“The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n” p. 124

John Milton nailed it with this observation. Our life is almost exclusively a matter of perception. We are powerful to change so much of what we experience if only we can manage our thoughts.

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…Nietzsche said that a man’s worth was determined by how much truth he could tolerate. p. 223

What is your reaction to the hard things people say that you know deep down to be true?

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You can be pretty smart if you can just shut up. p. 244

A good reminder when I think I know something.

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Don’t ever underestimate the destructive power of sins of omission. p. 271

There are countless things I am not doing that matter immensely, if only I have the discipline to sit in quiet and discover them.

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There is little, in a marriage, that is so little that it is not worth fighting about… Do you really want the same petty annoyance tormenting you every single day of your marriage, for the decades of its existence?. p. 272

Some things in a marriage are of such little consequence that bringing them up says more about your pettiness than it does about your desire to avoid torment. That said, there are small habits and attitudes and acts of omission that can fester into resentment or frustration over time: address these.

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Courageous and truthful words will render your reality simple, pristine, well-defined and habitable. p. 281

I’d agree that often the stuff of life that feels complicated is more accurately just a product of topical avoidance.

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The introduction of the “equal pay for equal work” argument immediately complicates even salary comparison beyond practicality, for one simple reason: who decides what work is equal? It’s not possible. That’s why the marketplace exists. p. 315

This is a contentious topic for many, but a fair point. What is equal? You could have two people that do the exact same job at the exact same level of quality and still not be equal. One could whistle and be optimistic and inspire colleagues, while the other adds a drag to the surrounding environment. Those are not the same employees.

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…group identity can be fractionated right down to the level of the individual. p. 316

I do not belong to a group called “white people.” It just so happens that the color of my skin is white. Anything important about me differs wildly from white people living on a beachfront property in Malibu or in a shack in Appalachia. To say that someone belongs to a group called “black” or “women” or “gay” is likewise inaccurate. Those words are descriptive, not categorical.

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Too much protection devastates the developing soul. p. 322

This sentence guides my parenting philosophy.

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And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of. p. 332

Many of our 21st century struggles are the result men born during easy, boom times. The hardship of early- and mid-20th century America are gone, and so too are the “tough men” that created the boom of the last 70 years.