The best sermons

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

This is the sort of catchy adage that seems to grab my attention the longer I have kids. I realize that the chinks in my armor have a relatively high probability of being passed along to my little ones. That is a tough pill to swallow for someone with quite, well, observable weaknesses.

I can tell my kids to lead a life of gratitude till the cows come home, but if I’m an ungrateful person, I suspect they’ll either resent my hypocrisy or end up rather cranky and unappreciative of all they’ve been given.

Knowing this has shaped at least one 2023 goal for me.

You may recall that I categorize my goals (e.g., Learning, Financial, Career, etc.) and focus on two objectives per category each year. One of these categories is “Relational Goals.” The objective is to foster better and healthier relationships of some kind.

My primary Relational goal for 2023 was determined bearing in mind that I need to live my sermons, not merely preach them. The goal is simple:

Be the ultimate gentleman to my wife and daughter. 

I’m not not a gentleman at the moment. I open doors, say “ladies first” a lot, and carry all of the heavy stuff around the house.

But I want the message of my “sermon” to be unmistakable: that my daughter understand a man’s role and that she expect (but also appreciate) chivalry and that my son recognizes that our needs as men are a secondary priority to those of the women in our lives.

My plan is to research some everyday sort of gentlemanly customs of the last 50 years and pick a few of the most practical, and begin putting them to use. 

I’ll set a reminder on my phone for three times a day to remind myself to be a gentleman in all that I do, at least until its habitual. I’ll adjust course and make changes as needed.

I often work on fixing myself because it feels personally prudent. It is important to recognize that what I often need to change should be driven instead by the little munchkins in my home that are watching my every move.

They deserve a good dad and a good man to guide them, even when doing so involves no words.