The goal

Most people guess and react their way through life. And, as observed by Lewis Carroll, “if you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

That feels like an approach worth avoiding. Instead, I’m working on bite-sized mantras to guide the most consequential aspects of my life, such as my health, my career, and family life. Imagine how much easier every decision you make would be if you had a single, clear lens with which to filter each decision.

This is just a start, but here are a few draft examples that are in the works for me.

Friendships

80% on, 20% off. Part of being a guy is watching a football game with friends from time to time, and that is great. But that kind of passive engagement will not, on its own, form a bond worth having. I am therefore choosing to limit that sort of time to about 20% of time spent with friends. The other 80% should be engaging in real conversation, sharing experiences, trying new things together, digging deeper on what matters most in life. The actual ratio may be 60/40 or 70/30 or 95/5 over various stretches of time, but the point is the goal shifts from “hang out” to “grow the friendship.” Depth and enjoyment are not mutually exclusive.

Parenting

Strong children, not safe children. To me, this is a real goal. Our objective isn’t to have “nice” or “smart” kids, and my goal is certainly not to protect them from all things and at all costs. Our goal is to have strong kids – physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. My hope is that they’ll be able to buffer themselves against a hard world, lift heavy things, protect themselves, get hurt and keep going, engage deeply and honestly with people around them, solve big problems, and maintain their faith when the pressure is to abandon it. That feels more productive and fulfilling than “they never got hurt and never misbehaved.”

Health

The sacrifice is in not taking action. Most people believe that good health requires significant sacrifice. I’d argue, on the other hand, that you must make far greater sacrifices for poor health. If I’m healthy, I can go on adventures that would otherwise be impossible, ride bikes with my kids, bend over to pick up my grandkids (down the road, of course), and have energy to get important work done. Eating healthy, working out, and getting sufficient water and rest are an easy option to choose when measured against a life of obesity, lethargy, dehydration, and fatigue.

I’ll keep editing these and work on others for my financial life, my career, my marriage, my spiritual life, and my personal growth (i.e., learning).

I’ll then consider opportunities, impulses, options, or major decisions only after asking myself, “Is what I’m about to do aligned with my mantra?” The goal is to progress in an intended direction, not merely in any direction.