The grace we need

When I don’t see the logic in someone else’s life decision, I can be a world-class judger. My tendency is to assume that the things I like about myself are somehow inherently correct, rather than simply qualities that have prevailed in me throughout life.

In the last three months, I have lost 30 pounds, eaten exactly zero foods with added sugar and just finished a multi-day fast. Now, for me that is a good thing. I feel accomplished and like I have done what I set out to do.

But for an outside observer, I could look like a lot of other things: vain and self-indulgent or a miserable failure at enjoying the little things in life, just as a couple of examples. My approach to life could appear to others very wrong while simultaneously feeling very right to me.

I can only imagine the number of times my perception of others is way off, too. I used to believe that people that sleep in are lazy until I learned recently that humans have biological predispositions related to sleep windows called “chronotypes.”

I used to think that people that picked certain careers were making big mistakes and spending too much money on college for a path that wouldn’t pay off. Now I’m in between on some of my work and wondering if maybe my next “career” should be something more focused on enjoyment and lifestyle instead of money.

In fact, my experience is that if I wait around long enough I will eventually learn something that completely justifies most behavior in others as rational. What usually happens is that I judge and judge people for years and years and then ultimately come around to the conclusion that not everything that is different from me is wrong. I’ve always been skeptical of people, with the exception of myself.

This acknowledgement is useful, but what would maybe be better is if I just stopped harassing people in my head for things that are none of my business. Now that is the grace we need right now.